Maybe there are some questions you'd like to ask or are curious about something, and this is the time. Feel free to click on "comments" under the post and list a question or you can email me and I will forward on the question saramicheleallen@hotmail.com
Tell us a little about your family?
Mark was raised in Fort Wayne. Christine moved here in 1994, and we met a couple of years later. We were married in 1998, and spent the first eight years working, traveling, scuba diving. In the spring of 2006, we saw a newspaper article about a program that brings groups of orphans from Ukraine to the US for 2-3 week visits. The program was looking for homes that could host one or more kids, and it looked “interesting” to us. Little did we know that this would change our lives… As a result of this program, we traveled to Ukraine in the summer of 2007 to adopt Masha, who was then 12. While we were there, we met Lena and fell in love. After 2 ½ years of paperwork and delays, we were invited to travel to Ukraine again just after her 14th birthday for her adoption, and we became a family of four last January!
How long have you attended PCC?
We moved to PCC from Fellowship Missionary shortly after PCC formed in early 2002(??)
What made you join True Vine?
Since our lives have been transformed by adoption, God has really placed a burden on our hearts to find creative ways to care for the fatherless and to support other families in their adoption journeys. True Vine is a great example of how God uses each of our passions and strengths for the good of His family!
Tell us about your adoption stories
I could go on for pages and pages, and the theme always comes back to trusting God. With our first adoption, we weren’t even planning to adopt, and God really hit us on the head with a 2x4. He just kept clearing the way for us and overcoming our own objections to the adoption before we even had them…We were so blessed to have a smooth 9-month process with very few challenges at a time when so many people had long delays with Ukraine. We met Masha in August 2006, traveled to her orphanage in Ukraine the following May, and returned home with her in June 2007. Our second adoption stretched us a little more. When we met Lena in May 2007, she was not eligible for adoption. We still fell in love with her and committed to find ways to love and encourage her while respecting her situation and the culture and laws of Ukraine. We had an opportunity to bring her to the US for a 2-week hosting program in the summer of 2008. Even though she was still not adoptable, we knew the experience would provide her with a unique sense of hope and encouragement. God proved His faithfulness again, and on the final day of her visit with us, we all received the news that her documentation had been approved and that she would be placed on the “registry” in Ukraine. This meant that she would be eligible for international adoption in a little over a year.
Did others influence you to adopt?
No. At the time we started our adoption journey, we really didn’t know anyone else who had gone through this process, and didn’t have any real support structure. We started talking to anyone that would listen about what we were doing, and it was amazing how quickly we discovered people who had connections to the adoption community who were then able to encourage and advise us!
Why do you feel so passionate about adoption?
Our passion for adoption continues to grow because our lives have just been so changed and blessed by these girls. Our hearts break for the many, many children that are still without families.
What has been the most rewarding part of adopting?
We’re blessed in that we have been able to provide a safe healing environment for two girls who have suffered great losses. We hope we’re helping them learn that they have hope and opportunities for their futures and that we’re guiding them in setting goals and making wise choices. But at the end of the day, our biggest reward is when we see them hug, or hear them talking and giggling after lights-out…they are truly sisters and we are blessed.
What made you decide to adopt older children?
It may sound horrible, but I (Christine) have never been very comfortable with small kids—they kind of scare me! Older kids (especially girls) bring with them a whole different set of challenges, but I feel much better equipped to relate to the girls and be their mom.
What things do you do to promote attachment with an older child?
Spend time with them and listen!! In the early teen years, they are naturally moving toward individuating…growing into their own individual personalities and becoming more independent. Building attachment at this age is a tricky balance, but the most important thing we’ve learned is to recognize them as people, to listen and understand them, to accept and love every part of them, and to continue to love them as they make mistakes.
Were you scared to adopt, 'jumping in' at age 12 and how did you deal with this?
Oddly, not really. Everyone says we’re crazy, but throughout both adoptions we felt a total peace that this is how our family was meant to come together. We certainly had questions, but as our journey progressed we met many adoptive parents of older kids both in Fort Wayne and through online communities. They shared their successes and challenges, and we were able to learn a lot from them. In addition, we read lots of books about attachment and teen psychology that really helped!
How did you pick Ukraine as the country to adopt from?
If we had started our adoption journey from the beginning and tried to make plans for ourselves, we may have ended up in a different country…but God’s plans were a little bit different for us. As I mentioned earlier, we met Masha through a hosting program and we met Lena when we were there. We knew they were meant to be our daughters, and Ukraine is where they happened to live.
Did you have people try to dissuade you from adopting and how did you handle this?
We did have a few people that insisted on telling us how crazy we were, or who asked why we didn’t want a baby. One family member sat down at Thanksgiving and not so kindly explained that we not only had no clue what we were getting ourselves into, but that we really had no chance of this being a success. While it was difficult, we just kind of nodded and listened, and then totally ignored them! We learned that most of those comments were coming from a place of personal issues or challenges, and not from any judgment of us. As a result, we learned to listen politely and then just ignore them and take joy in the supportive people we chose to keep close to us.
What is it like in Ukraine?
Ukraine is a very proud country. Despite living under Soviet rule for generations, Ukraine has held tight to its own culture and language and is now fighting hard to rebuild their independent economy. Throughout the country, people typically speak both Russian and Ukrainian. Everyday things—TV, billboards, items in the grocery—are generally in Russian, while government and legal documentation is all in Ukrainian. The rural areas of Ukraine remain more under the Soviet influence, and most cities are populated with soviet-style apartment blocks, but also have ample shopping and restaurants. Modern cars (GM, VW, Honda) mix with older Soviet cars on the streets. Cell phone coverage is great in all but the most remote areas. Ukraine is farther south than most people think, between Russia and the Black Sea, and their climate is very similar to ours. People are much more publicly reserved than in America—no one smiles or makes eye contact in the street or shops, and no one says “excuse me” when they bump into you on the train. But they open up when there’s some kind of personal connection, and in social situations, they are warm, funny, and extremely hospitable.
Explain the process to adopt in Ukraine?
Ukraine is very unusual in that it’s a “blind referral” country. This is to protect children and adoptive families from corruption, but it makes for a very unusual process that many adoptive parents don’t understand. In Ukraine, all referrals (matching of families with children) are granted by a single governmental agency, the State Department of Adoption (SDA). All other ways of finding a child (hosting, photolisting, etc) are technically illegal. While a family can (and we did) request a referral for a “known” child, it is illegal for an orphanage or any other party to “hold” that child for a specific family.
As with any international adoption, the process begins with a home study and approval from the US Immigration authorities (USCIS), then the Ukrainian dossier is compiled, translated, and submitted to the SDA. This can take as little as 8 weeks or as long as several months, depending on the age of the child(ren) and how aggressive and organized the parents are.
Once the dossier is submitted, the parents wait for an invitation to meet in-person with the SDA in Kiev to receive their referral. In typical cases, the SDA works to identify 2-3 children who appear to be a good match for the family, reviews those children’s files with the both parents during the appointment, and then the family chooses a child to meet. Our meetings were a little shorter; we only reviewed the one file for each of our girls.
After this meeting, the family receives official documents permitting them to travel to the child’s orphanage and meet them. After meeting the child and agreeing to move forward, the parents file documents signaling their intent to adopt. Again, as a blind-referral country, it is impossible to prepare or process anything for the local adoption of the child before meeting the child, so this is the start of the local adoption process. For typical Ukrainian families, it can take several weeks or months to get the local adoption hearing, but most international adoption processes take about 2-3 weeks, during which many documents are prepared and shuffled back and forth between the local lawyers, notaries, courthouse, and the SDA in Kiev. Both parents are required to remain in the local region, and frequent trips to the notary are common!
After the court hearing where the adoption is approved by the local courts, there is a mandatory 10-business-day appeal period before the adoption is final and the family can take custody of the child. Unlike former times, this is NEVER waived, and many families return to the US at this point. After the waiting period, it’s possible for just one parent to go back to Ukraine to pick up the child. This second trip is typically about a week and during this time, a new birth certificate and passport are issued, and the child is taken to the US Embassy and issued an entry visa which grants them US citizenship upon landing in the US.
What has been the most difficult part of the adoption process?
The most difficult part was remaining patient and trusting God’s timing through the uncertain times where the next step was out of our hands.
What has been the most difficult part of transitioning your girls?
We have been blessed that neither of our girls have significant attachment issues, so for us, the biggest challenges have been cultural. In Ukraine, the culture is highly focused on appearances and money, and fashion is very important to most women. It has taken time for the girls to understand the American perceptions associated with what they consider “fashionable” and to adapt to a more modest style of dress.
How did you know adoption was the right choice for your family?
For us, there was never really any question...before Masha arrived for her hosting program, we prayed regularly for God to make His plan for her clear in our hearts, and He answered with an incredible peace for both of us about the decision.
If you could influence others to adopt, what would you say?
God builds families in so many ways; we would advise families to pray and listen closely for His clear guidance, trust in Him and not be swayed by individual stories (good or bad). On a more practical level, we would remind parents who are fearful of the challenges with raising adopted kids that there are no guarantees with “naturally-born” children, either, and that if you let Him, God will show you the way!
How have you become more involved in the True Vine ministry?
As part of the True Vine leadership team, we represent Pathway with the Fort Wayne Adoption Resource Group, which is working to connect the various adoption and orphan care groups in the city, and to organize adoption-oriented events such as speakers and parent forums. We also lead a small group for families who are in-process/waiting to adopt, and assist with True Vine events such as the garage sale.
Anything else you would like to add?
I think the most important thing is to have realistic expectations for yourself and for the child(ren)…don’t expect them to be perfect and grateful and obedient. First, they are kids, and second, they are kids that have been deeply wounded—for whatever reason, they have lost their birth family, which is something that most of us take for granted. In addition many of these kids have experienced poverty, neglect, or abuse that deeply influences their behavior. Be prepared to support and guide them, set boundaries and be consistent and compassionate in your discipline, seek out professional help before you think you need it, and know that your hard work, sleepless nights, and perseverance will be rewarded!
see their family blog right here
We exist to impact future generations by reaching out to orphaned children and loving them as God has loved us.
Showing posts with label 20 Questions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 20 Questions. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
20 Questions - Dini Family
Every month or 2, I would like to highlight some of the PCC True Vine Families who have adopted. This will give us the chance to know each other more. Maybe there are some questions you'd like to ask or are curious about something, and this is the time. Feel free to click on "comments" under the post and list a question or you can email me and I will forward on the question saramicheleallen@hotmail.com
The first family to Q&A is the Dini family, who have become dear friends of mine through this group.
Tell us a little about your family
We are Tim and Amy Dini. We have 4 children: Taylor (15) Emily (12) Zachary (9) and Samuel (3) . Samuel was adopted through a special needs program in China. He came home September 2009.
How long have you attended PCC?
We have attended PCC for about 3 years now
What made you join True Vine?
I am totally passionate about adoption and helping others adopt. I feel that it is vital for adoptive parents to connect with one another as well as for adopted children to know others who have been adopted. The challenges of adoption for both the parents and the children are different than challenges with biological children and it is so important to have that support.
Tell us about your adoption story
God laid adoption on our hearts many years ago through our daughter Taylor. Taylor felt very strongly that we should adopt but we were in no position at that time. It was brought up every once in a while, but nothing serious. We felt our family was complete. Then, on Fathers day we ran into an old friend who had just returned home with their special needs daughter from China and we visited with them for a while. After that, God made it very apparent that this is where He wanted us to go. We couldn’t stop thinking about adoption and suddenly our family felt so very small. We went to an informational meeting and felt with complete certainty that this is what we needed to do. We prayed and talked and prayed some more, we were a family accustomed to special needs…we could do this. Our biggest obstacle was finances, but we, through much prayer, felt that if this is where God wanted us to bring home another child he would provide the way. He did in a Huge way!!
Why do feel so passionate about adoption?
My heart literally hurts to know that there are so many children in this world who don’t have a family to call their own and don’t know the love of Our Savior. I believe that so many more children would find their forever homes if more families would listen to God's call and step out in faith.
What has been the most rewarding part of adopting?
To just see the wonder in Sammy's eyes every day. To hear him pray and say "Thank you Jesus" at the end. To have been able to witness in a real way to our biological children about God's love and provision.
What made you decide to adopt a toddler/preschooler vs a baby?
We decided on a toddler since our children were older. I honestly like my sleep and didn’t want to go back to the baby stage. I am amazed at the way he has adapted and how much he has learned just being home 5 months.
How did you pick China as the country to adopt from?
Tim and I always felt pulled toward China. We had talked about adopting for many years and when we finally made a decision to take our leap of faith, we just looked at each other and said "China right?"
What is it like in China?
China was an amazing country. Honestly I could have stayed there so much longer. It was such a contradiction in everything. People rode scooters and bikes or BMW's There were all these people in tiny run down apartments, but shopping malls galore. Such an interesting comparison of the "haves" and "have nots". We were amazed by the sheer number of people and lack of personal space, but they were all so friendly to us. I cannot wait to go back!
What is it like to have a transracial family?
It is interesting being a transracial family. We get lots of stares and questions. It can be disconcerting, but also allows for people to ask questions if they are interested in adopting. We celebrate our holidays but try to include the Chinese ones as well. We all have learned about other cultures and the unimportance of the color of one's skin.
How have your other children adjusted to Sammy?
The other kids have adjusted beautifully. Of course, they get jealous sometimes over the attention he demands/requires, they all love him SO much and are constantly catering to him (sometimes too much!)
What has been the most difficult part of the adoption process?
The most difficult part was the wait. The wait is HARD. Especially when you know that your child is sick or missing holidays, birthdays, ect. It was so very difficult, since we had pictures of our son since the beginning. Watching him grow up in pictures, without being able to hold him or love him was one of the most difficult things I have done in my life.
What has been the most difficult part of transitioning Sammy?
Going back to a busy busy toddler :-) Actually Sammy transitioned to our busy household well, he bonded to us quickly but needed (and still needs) a lot of reassurance from Tim that Tim still loved him no matter what. It is uncommon for them to see a lot of men at the orphanage so Tim was more of an unknown to him.
Is it different parenting an adopted child than parenting your biological children?
So far it isnt very different. We had some language issues, but other than that, he is only 3. I see us having more challenges as he gets older.
Did others influence you to adopt?
Yes, our friends who had adopted in the special needs program from China. It made us realize that normal middle class families can afford adoption and that it isn’t unrealistic.
How did you know adoption was the right choice for your family?
Through lots of prayer and family discussions. God had laid it on our hearts as well as Taylor's. Em and Zach were thrilled just to have another sibling…they didn’t really care if the sibling was adopted or not, from China or US or Russia or where ever, it didn’t matter in the slightest to them..which is such a beautiful thing to me
How did you fund your adoption?
Wow...adoption funding. I am still not sure how we did it. We were the family Sara mentioned that started with just 300 dollars. We prayed, saved, worked and God provided. We held raffles, sold things, slashed our budget. We wrote many many grant applications. God provided every step of the way. Our friends and family were SO supportive participating in fundraising, donating airline and hotel miles. At the end we were still very short and we recieved a large donation from someone we didnt even know other than via email, for the exact amount we needed to travel. God funded our adoption and it was amazing to be able to watch it all come together.
If you could influence others to adopt, what would you say?
I would say if you feel that God is leading you in that direction, find out all you can and open your heart. It isn’t as complicated as you think, nor is it out of reach for a “typical” family. It is such an amazing blessing to grow your family through adoption but it isn’t right for everyone. The only way to be sure is through knowledge and prayer.
How have you become more involved in the True Vine ministry?
I am still trying to find my “niche” in the True Vine ministry. I am on the leadership team and the garage sale team, as well as willing to help out with Smooth Transitions (helping families smoothly transition after bringing their child home). I was in the process of leaving for China when True Vine began and we needed time to adjust once we came home. I love helping in whatever way that I can for True Vine.
Anything else you would like to add?
I think that forming a family through adoption is one of the most incredible ways you can build a family. My encouragement for all those pre-adoptive parents is to research and ask questions. There is TONS of info on the internet. Find a group on yahoo pertaining to where your child is at, research attachment and bonding, especially with an older child. Don’t be afraid to ask your adoption agency questions and ask other adoptive parents. Dossiers are complicated and the process is as well. The knowledge you will gain will help you feel better and more in control. Know that you aren’t in control, God is. His timing is perfect…always.
The first family to Q&A is the Dini family, who have become dear friends of mine through this group.
Tell us a little about your family
We are Tim and Amy Dini. We have 4 children: Taylor (15) Emily (12) Zachary (9) and Samuel (3) . Samuel was adopted through a special needs program in China. He came home September 2009.
How long have you attended PCC?
We have attended PCC for about 3 years now
What made you join True Vine?
I am totally passionate about adoption and helping others adopt. I feel that it is vital for adoptive parents to connect with one another as well as for adopted children to know others who have been adopted. The challenges of adoption for both the parents and the children are different than challenges with biological children and it is so important to have that support.
Tell us about your adoption story
God laid adoption on our hearts many years ago through our daughter Taylor. Taylor felt very strongly that we should adopt but we were in no position at that time. It was brought up every once in a while, but nothing serious. We felt our family was complete. Then, on Fathers day we ran into an old friend who had just returned home with their special needs daughter from China and we visited with them for a while. After that, God made it very apparent that this is where He wanted us to go. We couldn’t stop thinking about adoption and suddenly our family felt so very small. We went to an informational meeting and felt with complete certainty that this is what we needed to do. We prayed and talked and prayed some more, we were a family accustomed to special needs…we could do this. Our biggest obstacle was finances, but we, through much prayer, felt that if this is where God wanted us to bring home another child he would provide the way. He did in a Huge way!!
Why do feel so passionate about adoption?
My heart literally hurts to know that there are so many children in this world who don’t have a family to call their own and don’t know the love of Our Savior. I believe that so many more children would find their forever homes if more families would listen to God's call and step out in faith.
What has been the most rewarding part of adopting?
To just see the wonder in Sammy's eyes every day. To hear him pray and say "Thank you Jesus" at the end. To have been able to witness in a real way to our biological children about God's love and provision.
What made you decide to adopt a toddler/preschooler vs a baby?
We decided on a toddler since our children were older. I honestly like my sleep and didn’t want to go back to the baby stage. I am amazed at the way he has adapted and how much he has learned just being home 5 months.
How did you pick China as the country to adopt from?
Tim and I always felt pulled toward China. We had talked about adopting for many years and when we finally made a decision to take our leap of faith, we just looked at each other and said "China right?"
What is it like in China?
China was an amazing country. Honestly I could have stayed there so much longer. It was such a contradiction in everything. People rode scooters and bikes or BMW's There were all these people in tiny run down apartments, but shopping malls galore. Such an interesting comparison of the "haves" and "have nots". We were amazed by the sheer number of people and lack of personal space, but they were all so friendly to us. I cannot wait to go back!
What is it like to have a transracial family?
It is interesting being a transracial family. We get lots of stares and questions. It can be disconcerting, but also allows for people to ask questions if they are interested in adopting. We celebrate our holidays but try to include the Chinese ones as well. We all have learned about other cultures and the unimportance of the color of one's skin.
How have your other children adjusted to Sammy?
The other kids have adjusted beautifully. Of course, they get jealous sometimes over the attention he demands/requires, they all love him SO much and are constantly catering to him (sometimes too much!)
What has been the most difficult part of the adoption process?
The most difficult part was the wait. The wait is HARD. Especially when you know that your child is sick or missing holidays, birthdays, ect. It was so very difficult, since we had pictures of our son since the beginning. Watching him grow up in pictures, without being able to hold him or love him was one of the most difficult things I have done in my life.
What has been the most difficult part of transitioning Sammy?
Going back to a busy busy toddler :-) Actually Sammy transitioned to our busy household well, he bonded to us quickly but needed (and still needs) a lot of reassurance from Tim that Tim still loved him no matter what. It is uncommon for them to see a lot of men at the orphanage so Tim was more of an unknown to him.
Is it different parenting an adopted child than parenting your biological children?
So far it isnt very different. We had some language issues, but other than that, he is only 3. I see us having more challenges as he gets older.
Did others influence you to adopt?
Yes, our friends who had adopted in the special needs program from China. It made us realize that normal middle class families can afford adoption and that it isn’t unrealistic.
How did you know adoption was the right choice for your family?
Through lots of prayer and family discussions. God had laid it on our hearts as well as Taylor's. Em and Zach were thrilled just to have another sibling…they didn’t really care if the sibling was adopted or not, from China or US or Russia or where ever, it didn’t matter in the slightest to them..which is such a beautiful thing to me
How did you fund your adoption?
Wow...adoption funding. I am still not sure how we did it. We were the family Sara mentioned that started with just 300 dollars. We prayed, saved, worked and God provided. We held raffles, sold things, slashed our budget. We wrote many many grant applications. God provided every step of the way. Our friends and family were SO supportive participating in fundraising, donating airline and hotel miles. At the end we were still very short and we recieved a large donation from someone we didnt even know other than via email, for the exact amount we needed to travel. God funded our adoption and it was amazing to be able to watch it all come together.
If you could influence others to adopt, what would you say?
I would say if you feel that God is leading you in that direction, find out all you can and open your heart. It isn’t as complicated as you think, nor is it out of reach for a “typical” family. It is such an amazing blessing to grow your family through adoption but it isn’t right for everyone. The only way to be sure is through knowledge and prayer.
How have you become more involved in the True Vine ministry?
I am still trying to find my “niche” in the True Vine ministry. I am on the leadership team and the garage sale team, as well as willing to help out with Smooth Transitions (helping families smoothly transition after bringing their child home). I was in the process of leaving for China when True Vine began and we needed time to adjust once we came home. I love helping in whatever way that I can for True Vine.
Anything else you would like to add?
I think that forming a family through adoption is one of the most incredible ways you can build a family. My encouragement for all those pre-adoptive parents is to research and ask questions. There is TONS of info on the internet. Find a group on yahoo pertaining to where your child is at, research attachment and bonding, especially with an older child. Don’t be afraid to ask your adoption agency questions and ask other adoptive parents. Dossiers are complicated and the process is as well. The knowledge you will gain will help you feel better and more in control. Know that you aren’t in control, God is. His timing is perfect…always.
see their blog @
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